(He's gonna take you back to the past…
To read the shitty stories that suck ass!
He'd rather be… born with some… abnormalities to not go to school!
He'd rather stab… the idiotic asshole… of a shitpasta writer, and make them excessively bleed!
He's the most tragic reader you've ever seen!
He's the Tragic Monstrous Gangsta!
He's the Tragic Judging Gangsta!
He's the Tragic Trollpasta Gangsta!
Sup, guys. It’s the Tragic Trollpasta Gangsta, after listening to Steroids and being fucking amazed by how awesome it was, to fuck up even more shitty stories. And goddamn, I can’t describe how amazing that new Death Grips release was, because it cleared my mind of those two shitty stories that are called Minecraft Satan Edition and Touhou 14, just in time to review another shitty story. Today, the story that we’ll be reviewing is called “Judge angels”, a “real life” creepypasta. What bought this story to my attention is the fact that one and the only comment on that page said that Judge angels is the worst creepypasta of all time in their opinion. That’s QUITE a statement. Comparing this story to some of the most horrible creepypastas in recorded history like Blood Whistle seems a bit hyperbolic. So, for measure, we’re going to take out the “Ranks-o-Rubbish”, in order to accurately measure which story sucks more than each other, or which story is more rubbish, because we can’t say which story is worse than each other all the damn time. The overall scores are taken from the ratings from the stories we reviewed, then added to the Ranks-o-Rubbish to compare. So, here are the scores:
10: Actual Creepypasta (Creepypastas that are ACTUALLY creepypastas for fuck’s sake, and therefore not rubbish at all. Should be DEFINITELY used as an example when writing)
9: Fucking Excellent (Creepypastas that are REALLY good and does what they’re supposed to do, but still has a little amount of flaws in it)
8: Good (Creepypastas that are good but either has some nitpicks, or are just not scary. Most “interesting”-type of creepypastas fall under this category)
7: OK Creepypastas that are good but otherwise has no substantial content to it, or are just bland)
6: OK, I Guess (Creepypastas that you have to read a second or third time to figure out what the fuck is going on, or almost fall in the shit category)
5: Lame (Creepypastas that start showing visible signs of shittiness, but aren’t fully shit yet, or manages to be still substantial.)
4: Debatably Shit (Creepypastas that look like shit but actually has EFFORT put into them half of the time, but are still considered shit)
3: Trash (Creepypastas that are still possible to read but nobody in their right mind would read them)
2: Shit (Creepypastas that are shitty. Period)
1: Absolute Shit (Creepypastas that are SO poorly written and horrible, they’re considered some of the worst stories ever. Stay away because these stories can kill you)
0: FUCKING NOTHING (“Creepypastas” that shouldn’t be in the rankings at all, but they are. They don’t deserve the honor of being called creepypastas at all, because they’re barely even fucking considered stories. NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER read any of them, because they’re rubbish in its purest form
And so we have all of the scores in the Ranks-o-Rubbish, so how much would this story score in the rankings, you might ask? Well, I guess that the only way to find out…
…Is to judge it.
*Thunder sounds play in the background for suspense*
Anyways, with that all set, without further ado we will start on the process of judging if this story is a fucking piece of shit or not! This is “Judge angels”!)
Today is an important day for the Clarks; after 10 months, Mrs. Clark is finally going to give birth to her child. (Excuse me because this is going be to be cheap but……… Don’t pregnancy usually take only nine months? I guess I shouldn’t blame the writer because after all, this story is apparently so-called “the worst creepypasta of all time”!…………… Well, in anyone’s opinion at least) Everybody in the region knows Mr. Clark of the Clarks, that famous and serious Judge, lives here. (Um, I know that you may refer to that as a title, but WHY would you capitalize “Judge”? Aren’t judges usually just referred to as “Your Honor” or a variation thereof in most countries? I know, cherry picking that may be, but I get the feeling that this story will start sucking at explanation in a few paragraphs) After a few hours, the nurse delivering the child walks out from the room with an awkward expression on her face, and goes to Mr. Clark’s office to see him. “Um, Mr. Clark…” The nurse looks at him with a shocking expression on her face. (“Shocking” implies that her expression would cause other people to get surprised, I believe that the word you’re looking for here is “shocked”. How do you screw THAT up?!) “Yes? What is it?” Mr. Clark looks at the panicking woman as he frowns. “Uh…you might need to see it yourself, Mr. Clark.” “What is it that needs me to go take a (shit… I MEAN) look at? Why not tell me now?” “Well…your child seems to be a bit “Special”.”
The two arrives at the room where Mrs. Clark is taking a rest. She’s lying on the bed, and next to her is Mr. and Mrs. Clark’s child. Mr. Clark notices that the other people who helped with the birthing also seem to be embarrassed. (Wow! Who would have guessed that those people were the worst doctors on the planet? No wonder she’s already disabled since her birthing……………… Yeah, and I know that was fucking terrible, so can you stop that?) When he walks up to the child, he sees his child, and instantly the expression on Mr. Clark’s face becomes more shocked than that of everyone’s. (And SOMEHOW, now the writer spells “shocked” right in this sentence! Once again, how do you screw THAT up?!)
The child is a girl, but her hair is in the color of blond, unlike her parents’; Mrs. Clark’s is red, while Mr. Clark’s is brown. (And I need to know that because? Dear fuck, don’t let this story become as pointless as “Touhou 14” again!) The most surprising thing however, is that the girl has a pair of terrifying eyes; her eyes are all black; the pupil, the white of the eye – pure black. “What monstrous creature is that?!” Mr. Clark shouts furiously. (A human girl just with blond hair and black eyes? Well, maybe that’s possible, except if either A: Mr. Clark somehow believes in the “Humans Are the Real Monsters” bullcrap, or B: Mr. Clark is the most extremist southern Baptist in existence and he freaks out instantly whenever he sees something even remotely questionable. Trust me, you could make a drinking game out of how much the main characters refer to the girl as a “monster” in this story) Nobody talks back. Suddenly Mr. Clark grabs the still-resting Mrs. Clark, “You didn’t mess with other people, did you?! Or how can you give birth to such monster!?” (I’m PRETTY sure she didn’t, last time I checked The Wither and Komachi Onozuka both take a while to regenerate) “Mrs. Clark is very weak right now, Mr. Clark. Please…” “Like I care about it!” Mr. Clark throws her back onto the bed, “Tell my lawyer to come here” concludes Mr. Clark as he leaves the room. (Wow, are you even fucking serious? Now we got another one-dimensional father character who is designed in such a way the readers of the story will hate him and will eventually die soon in the story because of that brain-dead reason, and not only that but why are in every fucking story that we read, that most fatherly characters are sorry excuses for one-dimensional archetypes? I understand that most of them may be through some shit, but honestly that’s just poor style)
A few days later, Mr. Clark’s lawyer, Taylor (Swift), arrives. “Mr. Clark, about your daughter…she certainly is your daughter without doubt; the DNA test does not go wrong, and the sight tests show that her eye sight is normal. The doctor even said that he has never seen a case like this – Her eyeballs are black but she has no problem in her eyesight. In fact, her eyesight is two times of a normal person’s.” (And AGAIN with the issue of terrible writing. “Normal” IMPLIES that her eyesight is equal of a normal person, not twice, you fucking dumbass. Get your wording correct!) Taylor, standing in front of Mr. Clark’s desk, hands him a stack of documents on the girl’s information. “But she’s a monster. She’s not perfect; what I want is a perfect child.” (I’d make a joke about perfection from Courage the Cowardly Dog here but I’m too fucking busy trying to figure out the definition of “perfection” according to Mr. Clark’s shitty excuse for a brain) Mr. Clark says, without even taking a glance at the documents. (And don’t tell me again that every single of the fucking characters in this story will be brain-dead dumbasses! Seriously, why don’t most shitpasta writers realize about this story flaw already?) “Then…what should we do? Hand her to the orphanage?” Taylor asks. “No, that would affect people’s impression on me… If that’s the case, then I shall not let her go to school. I will recruit tutors to teach her. (Jeez, that actually made me wish that I would be born with supernatural features and shit like that so no one could send me to fucking school ever again and get rid of my tragic past! Of course granted when the consequences aren’t being in a terrible story, that is) Don’t let anyone see her. Oh, also, tell the nurses who helped deliver the child not to tell anyone about this. (So, now you’re not going to tell everyone about the birth of your child just because she got blond hair and black eyes? This is not the most terrible explanation I’ve ever seen so far but GODDAMN, couldn’t the writer AT LEAST try to say that she shouldn’t tell anyone about this abnormality?) This is a very bad issue to our family.” Mr. Clark closes his book and looks at Taylor, “If any accident happens, just finish her off... She is a failure, after all…” (So, JUST because your child has blond hair and black eyes with the vision doubled of a normal person, which IS an advantage over normal people, you’re calling her a failure now? Actually, I have an idea. How about you could use this abnormality to your advantage, and then use this to advertise the uniqueness of your family line and the existence of the paranormal, so when people come to visit your mansion to see her, you could charge them for visits so you could be even more rich than you already were?.......................................No? Fuck you, writer! Fuck you!)
Years later, Dina Angela, the extraordinary girl, is now 13 years old. She doesn’t like to talk, possibly because she was loc
ked up in the mansion all her life by her father (Wait……… what? Are you fucking serious? A paragraphing mistake in a story with an otherwise OK writing? You’re shitting me! THE WRITER FAILED AT THE MOST EASY THING TO DO IN STORYWRITING! THEY TRIED! AND FAILED! *The Gangsta frantically takes a can of Pepsi from the box under his desk, opens it quickly and starts gulping it down*), therefore became anti-socialized. (…Yeah, I shouldn’t have been too kind on the writing of this story after all. The writer is too lazy to insert a pronoun for clarity in that sentence and “anti-socialized” isn’t even an actual word!) Dina knows that her father is a very famous Judge, and that he does things very fairly, always look at things in a neutral point of view. However, he always seeks for perfection on everything, which is why he has a very bad relationship with Dina. (And do I even need to reiterate about the one-dimensional bullshit again? Honestly, that bologna about perfection just seems REALLY idiotically forced into this story and it’s ALWAYS a great sign of a shitty story when you see plot devices real early into the writing, isn’t it? Just look at this shit!) Despite knowing that her mother and father were never so well with each other before she was even born, it can’t be changed; both of their parents decided the marriage themselves that time.
Dina has never stepped outside before because of her eyes. She gets herself a mirror and looks at her eyes; they are pure black(, and she asked “How much more black could this be?”. And the answer, is none. I don’t know where I got that reference from, but I’ve heard AVGN and DLJ1 saying it so it must be a thing), but looking closely, she actually sees little sparkles in them, like a small galaxy. She is often fascinated when looking into her own eyes. Her blond hair is short and messy, but she usually has them brushed whenever her father is around; though it’s usually her mother who brushes them.
For Mrs. Clark, she never cares much about how Dina looks; she is always on her daughter’s side, always think for her. (To give the author credit, at LEAST the mother actually cares about her daughter despite her imperfections and IS actually a likable character, unlike in that hunk of shit Splitters…… through probably eventually getting fucking killed later in the story like her father not withstanding) Of course, she always knows what her husband (who does not like Dina at all) is up to.
Dina doesn’t have any friends. Her father has been imprisoning her for all her life, and even though the house is really huge, she still feels very lonely. She used to have thoughts on making a friend or like a certain boy, but it seems impossible in this situation. (Considering how rich they are, they could pay some emo teen with an obsession with the paranormal like, well, me, to be her friend for her entire lifetime. But, the writing is so bad that we have to stick to this sorry excuse for a story instead. Fuck you.) Currently, the only person that supports her is her mother, Mrs. Clark, so she really adores her. Dina thinks about these things as she watches the kids playing around from the window.
Suddenly, someone knocks on Dina’s room door. “Come in.” Mrs. Clark comes in and says, “Dina, I will be going to the department store later. Do you want me to buy anything for you?” Mrs. Clark says as she looks at Dina. “No, thanks” “But dear, you haven’t been eating anything recently, and you seem thinner than before…I’ll buy you something to eat later.” Mrs. Clark left the room before Dina can even stop her. “I told you I don’t want it…sigh…” (I’m not gonna lie, except for that bad writing crap, but otherwise the dialogue is actually pretty good! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t just believe it either!) Despite saying no, Dina actually wants to try something from outside; Clothes, food, everything is not interesting for her now. She wants to try something from the outside world, (So, does she want to try fucking? But you could just follow my advice earlier, YOU dipshit!) but no…Dina knows that ever since she was born, a maid was employed by my family; her name is Maisha (Izayoi. (Sorry, I can’t just resist myself)), and her job is to take care of Dina. But the maid’s job is actually, in fact, to be Mr. Clark’s bodyguard. (Don’t maids usually serve mostly female housekeepers while butlers do the same to male housekeepers? Might be just me though, because the horrible writing of this story makes it almost indistinguishable of what the fuck is even right or not) He spent a lot of money to recruit this woman, who has loads of criminal records, to prevent Dina from causing trouble, as well as to protect him. (It ACTUALLY seems feasible to recruit someone with criminal records because they’re probably experienced, but the one FATAL problem here is trust, which is something that’s very ambiguous, so WHY would you want to recruit someone with a fuckload of criminal records, even with about half of your entire fucking funds, just to take care of some assbag? That would be like trying to tame a fucking great white shark that KILLS humans unprovoked just to take care of some pests. But then again, shitty logic mostly triumphs in this story anyways so what’s the fucking point?) After all, who knows what Dina will do to him. Thinking to this point, Dina giggles and thought, “If I can, I would want to kill him” (Wow, at least Splitters doesn’t make it immediately obvious that the fucking one-dimensional characters are going to get killed, but this story throws it right EVEN before the action starts? Also, I don’t even know which story is going to be worse, but then again we should just wait until the story ends so we can compare them on the Ranks-o-Rubbish, anyways)
It will be Christmas in a few days, but Dina isn’t excited about it, since she always spends Christmas as if it’s a normal day; for her, it doesn’t matter whether she has celebrated it or not. (You and me both, bud!) Fortunately, whenever it’s her birthday, Mrs. Clark would always prepare a small cake to celebrate with her; if she hadn’t done so, Dina would’ve forgotten how old she is.
“Since there won’t be having any tutoring today, let’s do what I usually do”, Dina thinks. She stands up from her bed, leaves the room, and starts wandering around the house. (Oh yeah, and I almost forgot. Can’t this family JUST FUCKING AFFORD a PC or a console so Dina can escape via the internet or video games? Or are her parents so idiotic they would get scared if she ever get addicted to the internet and video games, even though the father obviously doesn’t care for her one SLIGHTEST bit while her mother is unconditionally in good terms with her? Obviously this story can’t take place in the fucking Victorian era because of the existence of DNA testing and some other small details, and also the dialogue doesn’t feature any British slang words, so of course any reader will just assume that this story takes place somewhere in North America! WHY IS THE WRITING SO BAD?! *takes the Pepsi can from his desk and takes another gulp*) Even though Mr. Clark locked her up in the house, he never said anything about not letting her walk around the house. It’s a good thing that the house is large, and that the family is pretty much the richest in the region (Honestly, if the writer followed all my previous advices in this reviews, then this story probably has just became less shit by about 75%! What’s so much to screw up about writing?), but Dina isn’t complacent just because of that. (Well, money CAN’T buy happiness, after all. Everything I fucking did in the past was for nothing, anyways) Also, Dina is utterly disgusted by arrogant ones who cares for their pride. (You and me both, bud!)
Dina always visits Mr. Clark’s collection room, and even though he strictly forbids Dina to enter that room, she will always sneak into it. In that room, she can stay for a long time, because there is one thing that really catches her eye – a pure white sword. That sword is placed in a glass case, and is isolated from the other collections, as if it’s something really special. Whenever Dina gets close to the sword, it creates a soundless resonance, and that sword always shines in a silvery white color. Dina would stand for hours to watch that sword. (This section has the least commentary in it so far! Either this part has the least flaws or I’m just getting lazy as fuck) According to her mother that, according to the legend, the sword originally belonged to an angel, and during a war, the angel accidentally dropped the sword into the human world, and was never found by the angel again. (Either A: This angel is as stupid as the characters in this story, or B: More idiotically forced plot devices, because when Dina mentions that she’s going to fucking kill her father, then this sword is probably going to be involved somewhere during the murder. At least DON’T make it vague, but make it seem insignificant until later in the story!) However, since then, the humans of the world began using it for different reasons; it was once used to kill, to protect, for personal benefits etc. Thus the sword was passed down like this for many, many years. There is also a rumor about the sword considering one who builds a good relationship with it its master for eternity. (Not the worst shitty wording so far, but goddamn, loads of shitty stories has wording errors like this. And once again, HOW DO YOU SCREW THAT UP?!)
“Such beautiful sword…If only you are mine” Dina’s black eyes reflect the image of the sword. She places her hands onto the glass case, and feels as if she’s getting sucked in. Suddenly, she hears footsteps coming close, so she hides herself. The door opens, and someone comes in – it’s Maisha; she is doing her daily patrolling. It is obvious that she’s looking for Dina, since Dina left the room without her permission. (But what if she didn’t came to Dina’s room because her true purpose is being Mr. Clark’s fucking bodyguard? And otherwise, what if she didn’t care if Dina left her room because they said nothing about leaving her room? And once again, if that wasn’t the case, they should’ve just bought a computer to fix the issue! Honestly, this story has some pretty stupid logic) To have Dina’s action restricted this badly, she stares at the maid with a hateful look. (Make sure to flip her the bird, I’ve heard that maids will gladly fuck rude people that they see!) Dina comes out from where she was hiding as soon as Maisha leaves the room.
In the evening, Mrs. Clark returns home with lots of things she bought from department store; almost all of them are daily supplies. Unfortunately, she meets Mr. Clark, who doesn’t show up often, at the front door. “What did you buy?” Mr. Clark says. He grabs Mrs. Clark’s arm as he asks her, and some of the items Mrs. Clark bought fall out, including some of the food she bought secretly. “Why did you buy this food? It’s for that monster, isn’t it?! How dare you buy these things secretly?” (But this family is rich as a fifty particle accelerators, so why couldn’t Mr. Clark see that they may be stockpiling supplies for future feasts or in case they somehow run low on supplies? And if even THAT wasn’t the case, can’t the writer at least try to explain that they were children’s snacks or something that children would normally eat? AND ONCE AGAIN, IT’S EASY TO NOT SCREW UP, EXCEPT IF THE WRITER’S A BRAIN-DEAD RETARD! *quickly takes the Pepsi can from his desk and sips it repeatedly*) Filled with fury, Mr. Clark pushes Mrs. Clark onto the floor, but before he kicks his helpless wife, Dina came and blocks her heartless father. “Father!! What in world are you doing?!” “You have no right to call me “Father”, you monster! Only the most perfect ones can call me that!” Mr. Clark slaps Dina, bouncing her to the side. She stands up from the floor and glares at her father before he says “Humph” and leaves. (And in case the one-dimensional bullshit wasn’t already obvious enough in this story, this paragraph is a perfect demonstration of the story’s forced deliveries. And not only are the characters one-dimensional as fuck, but this story straight out throws themes of domestic abuse in the middle of the story! At least Splitters had the balls to reference domestic abuse a bit more vaguely! I’m not saying that vague writing is bad, but usually writers just can’t execute it properly) perfe After making sure that Mr. Clark has l
eft, (Wait, what? Are you fucking serious? Two different paragraphing errors all in the first half of the story? Did the writer just became too lazy to fix up the huge walls of text while writing and decided to space out random paragraphs instead? For fuck’s sake, why does the writing get good, then bad randomly? Were two different people without communication to each other writing up this story?) Dina goes up to Mrs. Clark and asks, “Mother, are you alright?” “Don’t worry, I’m okay. Sigh…I’m quite unlucky today. How about you, dear?” “I’m fine…But didn’t I tell you not to buy them for me? If dad sees it…” “It doesn’t matter… Since you’re my only daughter…” Mrs. Clark touches Dina’s face gently before she says, “Let’s sleep together tonight, Dina.” (Again, I have to give credit that the dialogue is quite realistic and not too cheesy, too bad the talent on writing this is probably all spent on that and nothing else) The truth is, Mrs. Clark cannot escape her husband’s bind even if she wanted to; she has thought of divorcing, but she can’t give up on Dina, and even if the divorce was successful, it is likely that Mr. Clark would not let them go for good. (Ummmmm……… How about just calling the police on Mr. Clark in charge of domestic abuse? Or if that doesn’t work, maybe just move to another state with stricter laws regarding domestic abuse for a while? Of course this story can’t take place in the Victorian era because we just saw modern technology in the first few paragraphs! And once again, this story throws stupid logic on the readers’ faces, because the writing is too vague for shit and doesn’t explain what the fuck will ACTUALLY happen if the characters done what things! WHY ME?!?!)
“Mother…” Mrs. Clark sits on the bed, while Dina lies down on her mother’s lap. “Yes?” Mrs. Clark touches Dina’s hair softly. “Mother…Do you hate me? My eyes…” Dina looks at her mother with her pure black eyes. “Of course not…Mother really loves your unique eyes. You’re my angel, after all.” (And considering if Mr. Clark was less of an asshole and actually fucking followed my advice during the launch of this story, then this story wouldn’t have been too shitty!) “Angel…” Dina suddenly remembers the sword in the collection room “Mother, do you want to escape? From this home?” “Yes…I’ve always wanted to…” “Then let’s run away together!!” Dina sits up, “Let’s leave this place! Then we’ll find somewhere where no one will ever fine to live in!” (Be sure to come to my place, we have Pepsi, snacks, and most of all, stories about my tragic past to read!) Dina holds her mother’s hand. “But Dina… your father is a famous person, and he knows a lot of people, so if he was to find us, we'd definitely be in a very bad situation!!” Mrs. Clark says as she lowers her head. “But mother…do you really want to live under father’s harsh treatment? You and I both know that one day I will be finished off by father, so let’s escape this place before that happens!” Dina’s eyes are filled with flames of her passionate feelings, and as her mother sees Dina’s passion, she holds Dina’s hand and says “Alright…” Seeing her mother determined too, Dina says, “Then…we’ll run away on the Christmas Eve! I’ve prepared the plan already!” (I’m just putting this out, but of all days, it JUST has to be Christmas Eve! Such a coincidence, won’t you think?) Dina then tells Mrs. Clark about her plan until sunrise.
Time flies, and the day of the Christmas Eve has come. Dina and Mrs. Clark will be escaping this house today; this house is no longer home, but hell. The master of this home is a Judge, and he is the law; anybody who goes against him will no longer live on. (Don’t the city/village/whatever that they live in have some sort of an organization that scans government or high-ranking officials for corruption or power abuse? Or is this family so rich that everyone else has no absolute power over them just because this family has an asshole judge in it? I’m no prefect but this story SHOULD try to make sense of itself!) Dina has been waiting for this day; she has prepared everything, and now she just needs to wait for the evening to come. She looks at her watch; it i s now 5 o’clock in the afternoon.
“Hm…I think it’s time.” Dina takes out a pendant; it is a photo pendant. She bought it secretly, by sneaking out from the house to a newly opened antique shop near their house; the shop sells many different kinds of things, including the pendant. Since she sneaked out while wearing a disguise, she thought people wouldn’t notice her. (And again, why couldn’t the fucking writer tell the readers that she’s wearing sunglasses and a hat? Or does telling the readers about the fucking disguise make too much sense?) Anyways, she is now going to give that pendant to her beloved mother.
Suddenly, Dina’s room door slams open, with Mrs. Clark, covered in blood (And that’s where the action part comes in! Also, again I’m just putting this out but “covered” in blood implies that she was ENTIRELY covered in blood. Couldn’t the writer just say that she’s partly covered in blood or in certain spots?), running in, screaming, “RUN, DINA!!” Before Dina can react, Mr. Clark pushes Mrs. Clark from behind and walks towards Dina and grabs her. He shouts, “You damn monster!!!! I will kill you!! How dare you sneak out!! Do you even know that because of what you’ve done, someone had taken a photo, claiming that a black-eyed monster has entered our house?! I thought it was something else, but now our front yard is crowded with news reporters!!” (……………Nevermind. Everything I said about the dialogue just went to shit. Not only is the dialogue repetitive and corny as fuck, but now the writer throws not one or two, BUT FOUR exclamation marks in one sentence and a lot others in various sentences. At least I’m okay with two exclamation marks, BUT THIS?! Also, why do the news reporters have the same dumbass mentalities as the asshole father Mr. Clark? Is everyone in the town that this family lives in are all fucking extremist assholes that will fucking kill everything that are even remotely considered “abnormal” in their sight? And fucking again, if he wasn’t so much of a closet shithead and actually followed my advice during the beginning of this story, all of this bullshit couldn’t have happened! WHAT A SHITLOAD OF FUCK!) Right after he concludes, he throws Dina to the side. Dina, being thrown by her father, has her head hit the edge of the table and loses consciousness.
When Dina regains consciousness, she notices that the floor is freezing cold, and the air feels quite moist; it seems that she is in the dungeon. (Wow, there’s an actual fucking dungeon in this mansion? Dungeons are REALLY old-fashioned for modern cultur-) Mr. Clark has an interest in the medieval cultures; therefore he built this dungeon in this house. (*facepalms* OH, YOU DIPSHIT, YOU COULD HAVE JUST FUCKING SAID THAT EARLIER! Also, the writer is too stupid to just point that out in the first half of the story so you have to go back and read the first half of the story all over again because that explains why they’re too idiotic for shit to buy Dina anything that even remotely resembles modern technology! And if THAT was the case, THEN WHY, IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT FUCK, WOULD YOU FORCE YOUR TASTES TO OTHERS FOR NO BRAIN-DEAD REASON?! IT ISN’T LIKE EVERYONE NEEDS TO HAVE THE SAME FUCKING FASHION OR ANYTHING! *grabs his Pepsi can, almost spilling the soda over, and promptly downs the entire bottle quickly*) Now that I think about it, father’s taste in this really disgusts me, Dina thinks. She stands up and wanders around the place; it seems like the only exit of this dungeon is the door. There’s nothing here, and despite Dina’s body being very slim, it is still not possible for her to escape through the metal bars. Suddenly, Dina hears someone coming towards her. She stares at the person closely in the dark. “Hey~~ You little monster~ How does it feel being here?” The footsteps came from Maisha, the hateful woman. “I knew your plans from the very beginning, and that’s why I sent photos of you outside to the news reporters, ugly one.” (Oh, so it’s fucking Maisha who took photos of her for the news reporters. Mr. Clark must’ve been so stupid he didn’t even recognize her. But seriously, why couldn’t Mr. Clark just explain this to her because she’s going to get locked up in the dungeon anyways? Actually, IS logic even existent in this story?) Maisha looks at Dina with a despicable look, “You beastly girl…” “Oh, but aren’t you the same? You are also being controlled by my father, aren’t you? Forced to depend on my father because of that…you damn woman…you are no different from a monster! You thought I don’t know how you seduced my father every night, didn’t you?” (USUALLY, maids are supposed to be unmarried during the entire time of their employment, and even the highest-ranking workers could be fired from just marrying! What, is Maisha a fairy maid exchanged from the Scarlet Devil Mansion or something? Also, this story GETS so confused about its time period and location the writer just leaves the readers to figure out themselves about the environment that’s presented in this story! HOW DO YOU SCREW THAT UP?!?!) Dina looks at Maisha, laughing, “You slut, you slut, you slut, you slut!” Dina repeats nonstop, until Maisha, irritated, opens the dungeon door and gave her a few punches, till she coughs up blood. “Enough, you freaking monster!! Your father told me that I can always finish you however I want!” Mai sha shouts as she stomps on Dina’s head. (If you’re already cringing from the blatant violence that’s slapped in onto this story, then you HAVEN’T seen shit yet, because the next paragraph is a perfect example of this story’s cut throat deliveries that no one probably wants to read because they’re SO terribly delivered you’d just want to skim for the rest of the story!)
“Spurt… Heh… Hehehehehehehehehehehehe...” Dina, who is still being stomped, starts giggling creepily. (How is it possible to giggle while getting stomped violently- You know what, screw this) “Hehehehehehehe… HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Dina laughs hysterically as she opens her eyes widely. “No!!!” Dina grabs Maisha’s ankle tightly as she screams, “The one who should be punished is YOU!!” Dina stands up, and with her one hand still holding onto Maisha’s ankle, she hits the woman in the knee with her other hand with immense power (OK, I know that she may be an angel, but WHY does this writer throws Mary Sue powers into this story blatantly? This is just like in Clockwork where Natalie manages to FUCKING AVOID BULLETS. Oh yeah, but maybe at least this story doesn’t take it to THAT degree, I hope…), instantly reflexing Maisha’s knee. The pain caused Maisha to scream to tears. Then, Dina sits onto Maisha and slaps her a few times while she laughs, “scream you b**ch! Hyaahaha!” (Wow, at least this butchered-up dialogue DOESN’T get worse than Clockwork too. But still, it’s so horrible it’d make you cringe entirely from reading this paragraph) Dina then starts to strangle Maisha, “You shouldn’t provoke me! You should never provoke an angel!” Maisha struggles continuously; she grabs Dina’s tightly, and scratches her arm to the point of having her skin scratched off, but Dina does not feel anything, because she knows that the person in front of her has to be punished. (And wow, and just in case the vague writing wasn’t enough, this fucking writer manages to mix vague writing with Mary Sue undertones! Give this asshole a fucking round of applause!) “That’s right Maisha – I knew all of what you’ve done, and I’ve always known about it, so I need to judge you…Maisha. Qwest…” Dina’s face approaches Maisha’s. Her large eyes stare at the woman, and the woman looks back with a terrified look. “What you have done cannot escape from an angel’s eyes, so I now announce…you’re…” Dina strangles Maisha even harder as she whispers to the woman’s ears...
“Guilty.” (If you’re referring to this story, this story is basically a fucking guilty failure that’s been shat out onto the Deletion Log Refugees in the most ridiculous way possible.)
Dina tightens her grip as Maisha’s eye turn white. Now everything is quiet. After making sure that Maisha isn’t breathing anymore, Dina stands up, excited, and says, “Whew…I killed someone…I killed someone… Hehehehehehehe...” Dina laughs hysterically as she hugs herself, because she has finally done something she has always wanted to do. “It’s time for more trials…” Dina immediately switches back to her serious personality. (The second part of this story is SO over-the-top I can’t even think what the fuck to say about this. It’s just THAT over-the-top)
She arrives at the collection room, and walks toward the glass case, looking at the sword inside the case with a cold look. “It’s time. Come…” (And with that, the readers could have easily fucking predict that she’ll eventually use the sword for murder!) Even though she said she will leave this place, but she has changed her plans; she will finish this, once and for all, and leave this place along with her mother. (Um, isn’t that exactly just the same definition of leaving the place, JUST with blatant slaughter thrown in? AND IN THE SAME FUCKING SENTENCE? *starts uncontrollably chuckling* Wow, it takes concentrated effort to screw up wording this bad! What were they EVEN thinking when they wrote this!?)
An hour later, Dina, covered in blood (Do I need to fucking reiterate about the “covered in blood” bullcrap again?), arrives at Mr. Clark’s office. “Father……Hehehe…” She opens the office door slowly, but sees no signs of her father. However, just before she is about to leave, she sees someone lying on the floor. Just when she can see that person clearly, she cries. “Mother!!!!” Dina runs towards her mother, and holds her up. Her mother is covered in wounds, and is stabbed with a knife; she is no longer breathing. “No, NO, NO!!! MOTHER!!” Nothings left for her. (Um, but what about THE SWORD? And the writer DIDN’T even mention if she actually took the sword from its case or not! WHAT THE HELL?!) Even beloved mother has gone. Dina cries as she hugs her mother, but then she notices the reflection on the sword; someone is approaching her, and she recognizes him. When the person comes close, Dina suddenly grabs the sword and slashes the person, making him fall.
“Hello, father.” One of Mr. Clark’s legs is chopped off. Mr. Clark crawls on the ground, trying to escape, but Dina
stops him by stepping on his wound where his leg was chopped off. (I bet the writer must be stuffing pancakes into their ass while writing this part, because GODDAMN, they made yet another idiotic paragraphing mistake here! WHAT’S SO HARD ABOUT PROOFREADING?! Alright, you have no idea what that is? Proofreading is when you read your story all over again to check for spelling, grammar and other writing errors because you botched it up the first time because you actually have dignity in your product. But then again, this story’s writing is terrible on every conceivable level so we can’t fucking expect the author to actually care about this catastrophe of ass) “Ahhhhhhh!!” Mr. Clark shouts. “Father……I thought you are gone…It will really trouble me if you are…hehehehehehe…” Dina says as she stabs her father in his stomach with the sword. She stabs, stabs, and stabs, making her father excessively bleed. (The wording in this sentence is oddly ridiculous. Why couldn’t it just be “bleed excessively”?) “What’s going on father? Aren’t you strong all the time? How can you get so low by a monster” Dina’s eyes are filled with crazy and murderous thoughts, “You know, it feels so nice to judge and sentence people! Maybe I’ll become a great Judge someday…" Dina swings her sword. “Judge…hump(ty dumpty)h, like hell will a monster become a Judge. A Judge is…cough…is only suitable for those who are fair and perfect…” (Okay, I get the fair part, but “perfect”? I shouldn’t even be saying this with logic so terrible in every conceivable level in this story, but EVERYBODY in the fucking world has some sort of imperfection! What really makes you a real fucking judge is being logical, because that’s what make you be able to solve a fucking problem, you idiot.) Mr. Clark pants. Dina then points the sword at her father and says, “Then, are the things you’ve done ever the fairest? Hyahahahaha! I am way better than you. WAY. TOO. MUCH!!!” (1. Why would Dina automatically fucking assume that she’s better than Mr. Clark? I mean, he’s a fucking dickbag, but she should AT LEAST try to fucking make sense of herself too! 2. Why would she say that she’s “way too much” better? You’re either better than someone, or you aren’t!) Dina stabs her father harshly every time she says a word. His organ(elle)s flow out from him, and they are either being min(c)e(crafte)d or mashed by Dina. Mr. Clark, suffering from severe injury and excessive bleeding (I’m sure even a typical edgy story WON’T use wording this elaborate), glares at Dina and shouts, “You…you monster!!!!” “Monster? No, no, no… I am an ANGEL!! An angel that is born to punish you!! Hyaahahaha!!” Dina raises her sword, “Danny Clark…I now announce… you’re...Guilty!!!!” (Wait. What. Are you fucking serious? Why couldn’t the writer just fucking give off the full name of Mr. Clark in the beginning of this story and instead straight out throws it into this sentence? Is the writer TRYING to insult the readers’ intelligence?) Dina slashes with her sword, chopping her father’s head off before he has time to react. The man’s body collapses as his head falls to the ground. Dina picks up her father’s head, talking as she looks at it, “Father…I knew everything…What you have done so far are all being seen with my eyes, even if you don’t treat me like a normal human.” Dina throws the head into the burning hearth. (I just realized that a hearth that’s burning isn’t mentioned once in this story…………… So WHY would you just fucking shoehorn one right now in this half of the story? And it doesn’t even say “a burning hearth”! WHAT THE HELL?! The writing is not vague! You don’t need to shoehorn unnecessary shit into the writing when the outcomes will turn out the same anyways!)
“Hehehehe…Hehe…He…” For some reason, Dina notices that her blood is boiling, and that she adores everything she has done. That’s right, she now consider everything reasonable. She grabs the sword tightly, shaking her hands and shivering at the same time. She has lost her mind. (Yes, that’s right, she has lost her mind. She lost her mind because the logic of this story is so broken and terrible that it fucking drove everyone crazy! Yeah, I’m probably running out of ideas because of how pathetically written this section is.)
“Hmm~♪~Hmm~♪~Hmm~♪~” Dina puts her mother’s corpse into a suitcase, “Don’t worry mother…I will find a nice place to bury you♪” Dina says to her mother’s corpse as she gently touches her mother’s hair. (Excuse me…… If her corpse is in the suitcase…………… THEN how did she touch her mother’s hair? What, did a section of her hair somehow loosed out of the suitcase or something?) Dina changes her clothes into a white one, which shows her white complexion. (What the fuck is a complexion?) Then she prepared herself and the sword, which is creating a resonance that seems to express the joy for Dina. “Is that so? Hehehe…That’s right, I am now your master! Hehehehehe...I am an angel!! I have the right to decide whether people live or get killed by me~♪” (The writer of this story should probably be killed, because the fucking logic in this story doesn’t make any sense in the slightest) Dina swings the sword as she talks to the sword. She leaves the house with the heavy suitcase, and walks towards the forest; she looks at the burning mansion before she steps into the forest. (…………………………………Wait, WHAT? The mansion is burning NOW?! And why is the writer too lazy to tell us about the damn cause of why the mansion is burning? Do you mean the burning hearth that was only mention once and not anywhere else in the story again? WHY IS THE WRITING SO BAD, AND WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS TO THIS STORY?!?! WHY?!?! *slams his desk repeatedly, going under a brief migraine before he could continue reviewing the last of the story*) She smiles with satisfaction and disappears into the forest.
There was a fire at the Clarks’ mansion last night. When the policemen and the fire fighters arrived, they discovered large amounts of dead, decapitated corpse. (Wow, the writer is so lazy on closing off this story they didn’t even gave a shit on making “corpse” plural anymore!) The policemen suspected that most of the corpses were the servants of the Clarks. (………But, it’s THEIR mansion after all, so who else could they be? Why are the policemen as brain-dead as the author of this story?) Of course, they also found Mr. Clark’s body, with his head, burnt to the skull, discovered in the hearth. Mrs. Clark’s body was not found, but she is also suspected dead, as they found her blood in Mr. Clark’s office. Taylor, Mr. Clark’s lawyer, was also found dead after the fire started; he also died from decapitation. (Taylor is a female name so why could it be- You know what, I don’t give a shit about this story’s bad writing anymore. Fuck this, fuck that, and fuck this story. Fuck the writer too. Just fuck it.)
Mr. Clark’s neighbor was questioned whether the family had a child or not; all of them answered no. No data shows that the Clarks had a child, either. (Okay, thank fuck this story is finally over, now I get to actually quit torturing myself after my shitty life of being a paranormal researcher, and read something good……………… Wait, hold on, what’s that?)
-A month later- (No, no, no………………………………………)
“Good morning. This is David Starter here at Morning News. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THE FUCKING STORY STILL ISN’T OVER!!!!!!!! *catches his breath briefly, before calming down* Okay, this is the near last paragraph. Gangsta, you can do this, you can do this…) It seems that a few people have witnessed a sword wielding girl in white last night. Let’s ask some of the witnesses about the incident.” - “She’s an Angel! I saw her wings!” (Okay, first, how the fuck did she fully grown wings in JUST one month? I know that this story’s logic is inconceivably shitty from head to toe but I don’t care at this point!) - “She’s a head-carrying white ghost!” (And second, she already threw her father’s head in a random burning hearth, so HOW could she be still possibly holding a head? And also, she carries a sword for fuck’s sake, not a head! The bad writing never stops even in the outro!) - “She is here to judge us!! She’s going to take our lives!” (And third, HOW did you automatically assume that she’s a fucking judge- You know what, screw this too) A man who is watching the news laughed in front of the TV and says, “Hmph, angels… It must be a lie made by stupid people…like hell angels exist in this world” (1. I know that the entirety of the population in the location that this story takes place in are probably all idiots, but I don’t think they’re brain-dead enough to hoax about a fucking living angel on Earth, especially if they have LOADS of evidence on it! Or, the writing is so vague we can’t even make sense of this “story” anymore. 2. “Hell angels”? Dumbass piece of shit writer, you mentioned in the first half of this story that there’s a fucking sword that AN ANGEL DROPPED from the fucking sky all the way to Earth, but “hell” typically in normal context would be located deep underground, so WHY would you idiotically shove this fallacy right into our faces when it would be obviously noticed? 3. Why is this writing cliché about “idiotic supporting characters not believing about anything even remotely paranormal” still being thrown into creepypastas? Not only it makes everyone look like an insult to actual skeptics who WOULD ACTUALLY investigate information to see if they’re true or not, but this is some of the WORST plot devices ever to be shoved into any creepypasta. It SHOULD be made international law that whoever makes a creepypasta with that stupid cliché thrown in as a plot device to be subjected to the slap of a billion suns, because this plot device is NEVER, NEVER, AND FUCKING EVER a good measure to be shat into any of your stories. Wow, a single sentence and I just pulled out about three logic fallacies off its ass at all once. Someone should give a fucking Oscar made out of possum mucus and shit to this writer!) He walks into a dark alley to smoke, and just before he puts the cigarette in his mouth, he is pushed to the wall by someone. Using the very dim lighting, he sees a girl in white. “W-wait! Can you be…?!” (Well, he can see a girl in white after all, so, using the powers of logic here, CAN she be?............................. What drugs is the writer on while they wrote this story anyways?) The man struggles as he speaks, but the girl cuts in before he can end the sentence.
“Shhh…you need to be quiet during a trial…” “Now, how dare you defy an angel…hehehe…because of this, I now announce you…”
END (OKAY, FINALLY, THANK HOLY FATHER OF FUCKBALLS THIS STORY IS OVER. GODDAMN. I COULD’VE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW THE VERDICT IS NOT MENTIONED, BUT I’M JUST FINALLY RELIEVED THIS ULTIMATE FAILURE OF A STORY IS OVER. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN!)
(So, that was “Judge angels”, and, IT’S AWFUL!!!! You know what, I thought this story was a little OK at first, but upon reading it twice, it just got worse, and worse, and worse, until I finally concluded that this story is basically just a big fat fucking pile of shit that deserves to be moved to the Trollpasta Wiki. This story is ridden to the core with horrible writing, brain-dead and unlikable characters, non-existent logic, ridiculous dialogue, pointlessly vague plot points, and SO much more. But now, with all of these flaws in plain sight, you may ask: Is this story really the WORST creepypasta of all time? Well, if you want an answer, it’s right there in the ratings!:
Scare Factor: 3/10 (Now that I look at it, the writer of this story probably takes only half of their effort trying to make this story creepy, but comes off as being plain edgy instead)
Plot: 4/10 (Compared to other shitpastas, this story ACTUALLY has a unique plot, mostly during the first half of the story, though it’s especially oddly similar to Clockwork and Splitters on the second half.)
Writing: 4/10 (This story also has its own FAIR share of writing errors and vague writing, but compared to other shitpastas that I’ve read, at best it’s not the worst)
Originality: 7/10 (One thing I will give this story over others is that I actually liked the concept: An angel which was born in a rich family to judge people on Earth seems like a cool idea for a horror story, too bad it was executed in the most mindnumbingly horrible way possible)
Logic: 2/10 (It won’t be clear at first, but what completely ruins this story is the mind-blowingly shittiest logic that you’ll ever see, so shitty in fact that it’ll make your head melt into shit even before you finish reading the story)
Overall: 4/10 (Debatably Shit)
But, even with all of the shittiness that this story has to offer, now here’s the big kicker to this already gigantic failure of ass. Now read the title of this story again, and then put it in your head for a while. And, now with that in your mind, guess what’s the shit?
THERE IS VIRTUALLY ONLY ONE ANGEL IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKING STORY!
Yes, excluding the angel mentioned in the sword’s history, there actually is no more than one angel which physically appears in this creepypasta that is fucking titled “Judge angels”. No, I’m not kidding. Not only is the writer of this story SO devoid of effort, SO lacking in craps to give, that they resorted with an absurdly misleading title to the actual story! Calling it the worst creepypasta of all time is way too far, but calling it SHIT is way too nice, so call it whatever you want. I call it the new threshold for the most non-effort colossal failures I’ve ever seen. So, with all of the evidence in my hand, I now announce that this story is…
*smashes fist on the desk for no fucking reason whatsoever as another thunder sound plays*
Anyways, because I’m getting a headache trying to grasp the “logic” in this story, assuming if there is even any, I’m now gonna go read something that’s actually fucking good for once so I can be less miserable than I already am. I’m the Tragic Trollpasta Gangsta, and I’m always watching you masturbating out in the public)
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