(Bob, Judge Your Honor's loyal guard: All rise in the case of Dronian vs. Critic.
Judge Your Honor, the head of the courtroom: So, let's start off with the basics of how this case started. Dronian, please state your claim first.
Dronian, the plaintiff of this case: I MADE A BAD TROLLPASTA AND BECAUSE I DID THAT CREEPYPASTA CRITIC COPIED MY STORY AND MADE FUN OF IT AND NOW I'M BUTTHURT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Creepypasta Critic, the defendant of this case: Yeah, that's my name, Dronian. Don't wear it out. But, in defense, Mrs. Your Honor, if his pasta was originally bad, then why in God's name did he post it to the wiki in the first place?
Dronian: BECAUSE I AM THE BESTEST AUTHOR IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL WORK!
Creepypasta Critic: Yeah. Especially if that work has dogs dying in it and no one caring.
Dronian: YOU SON OF A BITCH! see that's another word for a baby dog lolololol im so smart.
Judge Your Honor: ORDER!!! Now, let's get to the point of this case. Creepypasta Critic. For your actions, you will be thrown in jail for 5 days. OK, that settles it, court dismissed.
Creepypasta Critic: WAIT! I can't be thrown in jail for 5 days! Tomorrow's Christmas! You gotta understand!
Judge Your Honor: OK. I understand. Throw him in jail for 4 days!
Creepypasta Critic: Your Honor! If i may, can I prove to the court that my commentaries can be useful to the horrible writers of them, while also being funny? If I can prove this, then I can prove that Dronian is a big crybaby who should take my place as future prisoner.
Judge Your Honor: It's a deal! You must provide the court with two stories that require annotations, though.
Dronian: WAIT, WHAT?!?!?
Creepypasta Critic: Thank you, Your Honor. I'll let the jury decide which stories I critique.
Jury Man #46: My little baby girl likes to watch the show, Arthur. Are there any pastas on that show?
Creepypasta Critic: *sigh* Sadly, there are. "Arthur's Sucky Day" and "Arthur's Revenge" are 2 gigantic headaches literally created by a dick 6 feet long. And by the time I've rested my case, the author's dick will probably be 0 feet long, because I'm sure one of the jury men would have chopped it off in anger after reading these grotesque fanfictions before their own eyes! Forget "A Kirby Fanfic" being bad! At least the characters in that pasta CARED about the S&M that they were doing! OK, I have to slow down. After all, I don't want to spoil all the fun! So, let the critiquing commence!)
It was Friday afternoon in Elwood City and Mr. Ratburn was teaching the class on how to give your partner perfect oral sex. (Wow! For a pasta about Arthur, this peice of shit's certainly got horrible pacing! And by the way, this theme about mixed up genetalia and public sex flows throughout the entire story. Private part jokes and jokes revolving around childish swear words are the ONLY jokes in this pasta.) To help him, he had Binky Barnes lying on his desk with his pants off. Mr. Ratburn's head bobbed up and down as Binky squealed loudly. He squealed so loudly the windows shattered. (Look. Pasta. If you're trying to torture characters from our beloved childhood AND not caring about their torment, don't add gory detail. That's not how you sympathize with characters we JUST met.) Mr. Ratburn got a napkin and wiped Binky's baby batter off his face. Just as he was about to give the next lesson on massaging the balls with your tongue, (Even though there inanimate objects, balls like blow jobs more. Oh, quit booing me!) Mr. Haney burst into the room. He said, "Mrs. Read and Buster Baxter are fucking each other in front of the school. Everybody come and watch." (Woah, doggy! Come and see some public sex with the bitch that gave birth to someone IN MR. RATBURN'S CLASS AT THE MOMENT!) Everyone ran out to the front of the school and saw Buster ride Arthur's mom cowgirl style and he twisted her nipples so hard she howled like a wolf. (Oh, and I forgot to mention that this dick of an author has another running gag with torturing characters so you can give them sympathy until they die. Once again, that's not how it works.) She howled so loudly Mr. Haney shit his pants. Thus began Arthur's worst day. (His worst day ONLY BEGAN FROM THERE? Um, I think that seeing your friend fucking your mom would automatically make any day your worst day!)
After school ended, Arthur, Buster, George, and the Brain went to the Sugar Bowl. ("Hey, Buster! Great job fucking my mom in front of all my friends at school! I'll buy you a treat at the Sugar Bowl!") They were sitting in a booth with Arthur and George on one side and Buster and Brain on the other. (Why the fuck was that important? Next we're going to read how Arthur built his log cabin house.) All of them had finished 13 ice cream sundaes apiece. Arthur finished his sundae(s) and glared at Buster. "Buster, I can't believe you'd go and fuck my mother like that," he said. "Arthur, your mom asked me to fuck her," said Buster. "What are you talking about," Arthur asked in an annoyed tone. (Buster's talking about sex, you fucking dumbass.) "Remember when I was at your house last week and you were taking that enormous dump?" "Yeah." said Arthur. "What does that have to do with anything?" (Oh my god, the author realizes the pasta's problems!) "Well, as you were nuking Toiletopolis, (Moving on.) I went into the kitchen to get a snack. I saw your mom doing boring grown up shit at the table and she told me she wasn't getting any from your dad. (PACING!) I think she said your dad had the same size wiener as you." (Teehee.......OK, that got 1 little laugh out of me, and I'm hard to please.) Arthur turned bright red and peed himself a little. Buster continued. "Anyway, she was really horny and made me take off her clothes without using my hands. (Then what did you use? Your foot?...........I wonder what happened when he had to take off her shirt that way.) Then she let me touch her massive chesticles and after that, we (only cried) for a good twenty minutes." "So those noises weren't the scrambled porn we were watching?" "Nope. It was me and your mom. Then she met me at school today and told me she wanted me. So we went to the front of the school and the rest is history." (But you could have learned history in the school! OK, please stop with the booing.) Arthur gave Buster the (butter)finger. "I don't know, Arthur. It was kind of hot if you ask me," said George. "Shut up, tardo. (First the author insulted the reader's intelligence by creating a world where public sex is normal. Now he's making up words?) No one was talking to you," Brain snapped. "What's it to ya," asked George. "I'm with Arthur on that one," said Brain. "Thank you," said Arthur. "Anyway," said George, "what are everyone's plans for the weekend?" Arthur said, "I'll probably watch Barney and massage my nipples." Buster said, "I'm gonna try on my mom's clothes while she's out squandering my dad's alimony and child support payments on booze and jewelry." (Yay. More unlikeable characters.) Brain said, "I'm going to masturbate for 3 hours straight and then I'll put it under a microscope and see how potent it is." "Brain, that's stupid," Buster said. "Even if your sperm was potent, no chick would ever want to fuck you." Brain bitch slapped Buster in the face so hard he made him cross eyed. "What about you George," Arthur asked. "I'm going to your house and fucking your whore of a mother," George said while laughing. Arthur was so mad he grabbed a fork and stabbed George in the eye. (Oh, goody! Here it comes! The part where the readers have to see George being tortured brutally because that's what everyone wants to read!)
George was screaming and crying while blood seeped out of his eye. "Oh God. I'm so sorry," Arthur said. He then picked up a steak knife and (I do hope he sticks it in George's ass!) stabbed George seven times in the butthole. (Right on schedule!) With every stab, George moaned. Arthur looked to see if George was still alive. He was and he had a huge boner thanks to Arthur's foreplay with the knife. (Don't forget that George's stomach was growling because he wasn't turned on enough!) Arthur couldn't stand seeing George so happy, so he took the knife and slit his throat. George died in agony. Then a bunch of blood seeped onto the floor as a waitress carrying a huge stack of dirty dishes walked by. She didn't see the bloody mess so she slipped on it, fell over and cracked open her skull. Arthur, after seeing this whole debacle (lolololol im so smart), decided to leave. "Guys, I just remembered D.W. and I were going to play gynecologist. See you on Monday." He slid out of the booth and headed toward the entrance. "Wait Arthur," said Buster. "You said you were going to help with the bill (nye the science guy)." "Oh. Well, I lied. You guys will have to take care of it," said Arthur. He left the Sugar Bowl and headed home.
As Arthur arrived home, the windows were open and he heard what sounded like his mom singing Crazy Bus. Arthur walked upstairs and opened up his mom's bedroom door. As Arthur looked into the room, he saw his mom naked on her bed singing Crazy Bus into a dildo. (Um...where did she get the dildo from?) Arthur yelled, "Mom, what are you doing?" She said, "I'm just doing some karaoke for D.W. and Kate." D.W. and Kate were in a crib in the corner making out. (OK, Mr. Uncle Grandpa writer, you can't put randomness into a situation where there's a flaw in the randomness! If you're singing when people are making out, you're just disturbing them by making noise, YOU DUMB--FFFUUUCK!) Suddenly, there was a vibrating sound and the mom pulled her cell phone out of her vagina. (Moving on!) She answered and it was Mr. Read. The mom went back and forth with the dad and she hung up the phone and put it back into the Bat Cave. (And then, Mrs. Read & Robin were sent downtown to fight The Riddler!) Arthur's mom said, "Your father needs you to go pick him up because his car has run out of gas. He's stuck downtown a few blocks from his office and needs you to give him a ride." "Why can't you get him," Arthur asked. "Because, dumbshit, I'm busy. (You know, family relationships!) Now go get him." Then the mom went back to singing. Arthur sighed and left the room. Arthur walked to the garage and remembered that his bike had been stolen the night before by the Tibble twins so they could sell it and buy crack from their grandma. (MOVING ON.) His only choices were D.W.'s tricycle or his mom's new car, a 2006 Pontiac GTO. Arthur went into the kitchen and got his mom's car keys. After opening the garage door, he started the car, put it in reverse, and stomped on the gas. The car rocketed out of the garage, across the street and ran over Prunella. (Um...Hi, Prunella!) Arthur then sped off to downtown. Prunella was so mad she tried casting a w(b)itch spell on Arthur to make his penis shrivel, but she accidentally cast it on her own penis and she died. (MOVING ON!)
Arthur screeched to a halt in front of the strip club his dad worked at part time as a dancer. He noticed his dad's car in the parking lot so he drove over and got out of the car. When he looked inside, he almost puked. Mr. Read was giving Binky Barnes a blowjob while Mr. Ratburn was filming in the front seat. (If you've ever heard of the bad writing cliche when characters are just...there, than I legitimately think that this pasta created that cliche.) Arthur knocked on the window. Mr. Ratburn rolled it down and Arthur said, "What the fuck are you guys doing?" Mr. Ratburn said, "It's for your dad's newest porno, 'Mr. Read Spreads His Seed'." "Catchy title. I think I would buy it," said Arthur. (Amazing! In this scenario, Arthur is so relatable! Because everyone jacks off to their father! Playboys are for NERDS!) Then he remembered why he was there. "Dad, we have to get gas for your car." Mr. Read asked Mr. Ratburn to "watch" Binky for him. They left the car and Binky squealed so loudly that the windows shattered. They went over to the Pontiac and got inside. Mr. Read started the car and they did a burnout out of the parking lot and drove to the gas station. After they filled up a container with gas, Mr. Read said, "Arthur, I gotta take a piss. I'll be right back." He was gone for three hours. Arthur finally got tired of waiting and went into the bathroom. What he saw shocked him. Mr. Read was being brutally raped by Mr. Crosswire. (Um...Hi, Muffy's dad! (Do you notice how my annotations are starting to repeat themselves?))Mr. Crosswire was crying and had mascara running down his cheeks and was repeatedly saying, "Muffy, you whore. If I can't have you, nobody will." He then shanked Mr. Read to death. Arthur went over, grabbed the knife and stabbed Mr. Crosswire to death. As Arthur turned around, he noticed Muffy at the door. Muffy saw her father's corpse on top of Mr. Read's corpse and Arthur holding a bloody knife. She then said, "Ooh, Arthur, I'm telling." Muffy then ran off to go tell on Arthur with her big whorish mouth. Arthur couldn't let this happen, so he ran after that bitch. Arthur jumped and dropkicked Muffy so hard that she smacked her head against a fire hydrant and split her skull open. (Goodthingthatnoonecaredaboutthosecharacters.) Arthur was pleased with this situation and wanted to tell people about it. (Don't forget to tell the cops! I heard they give out lollipops to anyone who murdered an innocent girl!) So he got into the Pontiac and sped off to Buster's house.
Arthur stopped in front of Buster's house and rang the doorbell. Mrs. Baxter answered the door. "Well hello Arthur," she said. "Is there anything I can do for you? To you?" "No ma'am. You gross me out," Arthur said. "I just wanted to talk to Buster." "Buster? As in Buster Cherry? As in what I want you to do to me?" Arthur then said, "I'm not getting into this house if I don't screw you, right?" "Exactly", she said. Mrs. Baxter then ripped her clothes off. She then said, "Honey, are you an ant eater outer?" "Excuse me," asked Arthur. "You eat bugs, right?" "Yeah." "Well, I've got some bugs in my cooch. I hope you like lice. Flied lice." Arthur was getting pissed off, so he said "I don't have time for this shit." (Me neither, Arthur!) He then pulled out brass (Sonic and) knuckles and punched Mrs. Baxter in her vagina. Mrs. Baxter literally exploded from the biggest orgasm of her life. Arthur picked up her bloody chunks and started cooking them for Buster. When dinner was ready, Arthur knocked on Buster's bedroom door. Not getting a response, Arthur thought Buster was masturbating and burst through the door. (If you thought he was masturbating why did you burst the door ope- You know what, fuck it.) Arthur's phone suddenly rang. He answered it and it was his mom. "Buster's waiting for you at our house." "Why," Arthur asked. "We are having a sleep over. Just get back over here." She then hung up. Arthur drove back to his house, walked through the front door and went up to his room. What he saw shocked him. He saw Brain holding Buster's severed head and had a crazy look in his eyes. He then ripped his shirt open and took some of Buster's blood and smeared it on his chest. Arthur screamed, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Brain?" "What the fuck is wrong with me you ask? Well let's see here, while you left to go fuck your mother, it was just me and Buster to pick up the tab. Buster then tricked me by leaving me to pick up the bill which turned out to be $530 due to our meal. (To be fair, you deserved that high bill for all the ice cream fat you ate there.) To get the money I had to suck off 12 truckers and sell off my mother's prized dildo. I had to get revenge, and there's no better way to do it then kill your butt buddy boyfriend." "You're fucking nuts, Brain." (I'd believe it was possible for Brain to be fucking nuts. His dick could probably fit in a peanut shell.) "Would somebody be nuts if they chopped off their penis and surgically attached a machine gun instead?" "Yes, very fucking nuts," replied Arthur. Brain unzipped his pants and fired his machine gun, (Um,.....uhhhhhhhhhhh. Yeah. Yep. I'm fine. Yes siree. No problems here. This author should get an Oscar for all that he's done in the worl-DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!) killing Arthur. (Wait a second........The Brain just killed Arthur off in this pasta?.........HALLE FUCKING LLUJAH! I've never been happier in my life! Someone give The Brain 1 million dollars from me for his performance in this pasta! Bravo! Bravo!) Brain laughed manically and jumped out of his window to go eat Buster's head and kill more people. Hearing the noise, D.W. walked in to the room to see what was going on. "Arthur keep down all the noise, I'm trying to get sex money from the Tibble twins." There was no response. Arthur, you bitch, get up," she squealed. Arthur's mom came up to see what was going on. "Arthur won't wake up, Mommy," said D.W. (YES! YESSSSSSSS!)"Oh," said her mother, "that's because he's dead." They both left and didn't care. (I would have complained, but I'm just so relieved that Arthur's DEAD! WAHOO!)
(Judge Your Honor: Aren't you forgetting your second commentary that will get you out of prison for 4 days?
Creepypasta Critic:................Oh, fuck me! Well, at least the sequel to this peice of crap was written by a different person! Who...idolizes "Arthur's Sucky Day" and named his account relating to the pasta......Fuck it, let's just get my pain and misery out of the way quickly.)
Arthur's REVENGE!!---- ITS FINALLY HERE! (Oh...JOY!) When Arthur Died He Saw a White light in the distance. What the Hell is That? Arthur said to himself. (Oh, god. Arthur's still living as a spirit?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!)The White Light Turned Into a Red Light Looking Like Brains Dick Bleeding after Changing his dick Into a Machine Gun. A Weird Devil Appeared. It was Brain's Dad He Looked like a Faggot with His Dick Flopping all around Barely any clothes on. (The use of words in this pasta shows how old the author of this sequel is.) He Slapped Arthur in The Face until His Tooth fell out Arthur was Bleeding on the floor. Arthur Said Suck my Cock. Brain's Dad Got him by the Dick and Pulled it out Gushing Alot of Blood on the floor. Brain's Dad Shoved The Bleeding Penis into Arthur's Mouth He was Choking On his Own blood. (I honestly don't know which pasta is harder to read, but both of these have been deemed by me as the worst pastas I've read so far.) Then Arthur was Dragged into a Jail Cell that Smelled like Sperm. He saw Muffy In the Corner Cutting Herself with a piece of a Bone That was Lying on the Floor. Arthur Ran to her and kicked Her in the Head (What if Muffy knew a way to escape, you dumbass?) and her Skull Broke into two And Got The bone and Stabbed Her Neck 15 times after that Arthur stomped on Muffy's Giant Ball Sack and it exploded and she died. (I Don't Think Someone Can Die If You Destroy Their Genitalia.) Arthur Said Bitch Thats what you Get (When You Let You're Heart Win). Arthur Ripped Muffy's Arm and Kept Slapping Her In the Face With it. Arthur Tryed to Pick Lock the Door but Ended up stabbing his thumb he was bleeding Alot And took Muffy's hair and Shoved it in the Wound Arthur Howled in Pain while doing it. Then Arthur got Muffy And Started Fucking Her. Sperm was Everywere Oh Shit Arthur Shouted Cum was Everywere Bubbling on the floor. A devil (Devil! What? Devil, what? What? Devil! Devil, what?) Came to his Cell and told Arthur to Follow him And He did. (Arthur can't follow the Devil if he's in a jail cell! Don't you just LOVE Uncle Grandpa writers?) Arthur Has a Brilliant fucking idea He Would punch him in the Cock and Run Out of Hell. (Arthur: "That's what you deserve for helping me escape from my jail cell!") Arthur Punched Him in the Cock and he Yelled Like Binky when he Got Fucked By Mr.Ratburn. (Continuity: It's not just reserved for GOOD forms of entertainment!) Arthur Ran but tripped and His Face Fell into a Small Pit of Lava And Burned. Oh my God I'm burning Holy Fuck Fuck Fuuuck Arthur Said Screaming like a Pansy. (Real men never scream like babies when they dip their face in lava! In fact, I bet the author of this pasta could shove his dick in lava right now to prove it to us!) The Demon Grabbed Arthur And Shoved his Face Into The Lava And Burned More Untill you Can Just See his Skull. What The fuck Asshole? Arthur Said. So After That Arthur Was Brought to Satan. Arthur Why The Fuck are You here? Said Satan. I killed Muffy, Prunella, And That Faggot Gorge Said Arthur. (How dare you, Arthur! Gorges are beautiful creations from Mother Nature!) Satan Laughed and Told Arthur To leave This place, You must suck my Cock for 1 hour. Arthur Sucked it for 1 Hour and The Most Sperm He has Ever Gotten was shoved into his mouth and into his Asshole. Satan Let him Go (The sperm must have never bothered Arthur, anyway.) And Arthur Got off from his Dick and Took of the Sperm from his mouth and left. He was Back at his home With Some Bullet Wounds on his dick and on his body. Ima Kick your Ass Bitch Said Arthur. (Who is Arthur talking to?) Arthur Rushed to Brains House and knocked on the door. Brains Mom Opened the door and Arthur Smashed Her Face with a Club That Has Nails Attached. She was Bleeding Uncontrollably With a Seizure On The Floor (Getting Bruised With A Weapon Doesn't Cause Seizures!) Sorry Said Arthur While Running to Brains Room. Arthur Broke Open The door And Saw Brains Masterbating to His Own Family Movies Holy Shit Said Brains Putting Sperm Everywhere. Bitch Suck my Cock Said Arthur but He just Remembered His Cock Was Ripped Off In Hell. So Arthur Said I'll Rip off your Penis Bitch! Brain got up and Pulled Out His Machine Gun Arthur Already knew so He got a Gernade and Shoved it into his machine gun hole and it Exploded. Brain was On the Floor Bleeding To Death. His Dick was Bleeding Massively i'll Get you back Cunt Said Brain. (GOODTHINGTHATNOONECAREDABOUTHIM.) Then Arthur Heard a Knock on the door He answered it and it was Buster He said I Fucked your Mom Again She was Still Horny Arthur got a Grenade and shoved it into Buster's Asshole and it exploded and He died. He Still Didnt Forget about his sister and his Mom Im Coming for you Whores (If Arthur was still mad at his mom when she didn't care about his dead corpse why did Arthur kill Buster for torturing Mrs. Rea-) ~The End~ (Damn! Thank Christ this is over! So that was "Arthur's Sucky Day" and "Arthur's Revenge". Now, can I please be pardoned over this idiotic case?
Judge Your Honor: *quiets down from laughing so loudly* Yes, you may! I'm so sorry this case had to be brought to my attention, Mr. Critic! You truly do critique horrible pastas like they should be critiqued! Guards, take Dronian to the slammer for life!
Dronian: NOOOOOO!!! I HAVE SO MANY MORE SHITTY PASTAS TO WRITE! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME, CRITIC! I'LL BE BACK TO UPDATE MY WIKI ACCOUNT SOMEDAY! AND WHEN I DO, YOU'LL BE SO- *Bob shoots Dronian in the head right then and there*
Bob: What? Did you forget about me?
Judge Your Honor: Before I truly dismiss the court, are there any final words that you would like to say to the jury about these pastas?
Creepypasta Critic: Yes, please! Oh god, where to start in this closure! I truly meant what I said when I stated that these two pastas were the absolute worst that I've read so far. I know things can always get worse, but it probably won't drift too far from these two piles of trash. With unnecessary cruelty, overused running gags, character sympathy in the wrong place, character derailment, gory detail relating to blood and sex, plus many more factors in these stories, I'd say my bet is the safest bet in the courtroom. For my final words, I'm the Creepypasta Critic, and if you forget my name, I will now force you to read these pastas for 24 hours straight! That punishment is guaranteed to be worse!
Judge Your Honor: Courtroom dismissed!)